Monday, February 15, 2016

Survival and dignity in an abusive relationship


Amborella trichopoda by Scott Zona



Abuse is an emotional roller-coaster, which completely rules the life of both the abuser and the abused. It betrays trust by inflicting pain at a time of emotional closeness, creating a strange mixture of belief and pain. Abuse twists and disfigures the emotional bond between people and creates an intertwined mutual emotional dependence, which can remain part of the mental make-up over the long-term, possibly for a lifetime. Physical abuse, such as rape or physical violence, requires immediate action. Organizations can be found on the internet and in most countries that provide emotional support, organizational and financial assistance. This blog deals with emotional abuse, which can be more sinister because it is more difficult to pinpoint, but just as dangerous for mental, emotional health.

Emotion is the energy imbalance of the brain. Energy (temporal) excess manifests as positive emotions, confidence, trust, whereas energy (temporal) shortness corresponds to negative emotions. Emotions are responses to environmental stimuli, so they are intimately regulated and intertwined with our personal core environment. Supportive, loving environments generate trust, which allows us to feel safe and relaxed. Positive emotions involve the wealth of time, whereas negative emotions correspond to the perception of a shortage of time. 

People who have a low tolerance for environmental changes get stressed easily, which can trigger abusive behavior. Stress corresponds to a temporal contraction, which generates a feeling of pressure. The inherent need to push back the boundaries creates confrontation with the closest people or things. Abusers know the best ways to hurt others (pain, disgust, and even despise). Later, abusers often attempt to repair the relationship. This way, abuse forms a cycle of exploitation and reconciliation, which is mentally, emotionally exhausting. The painful betrayal of emotional closeness by abuse leads to insecurity and low self-esteem, which gradually weakens the victim.

Later stages of abuse may look benign from the outside because the abuser does not have to apply full threat; just a word or hint achieves full compliance. Abuse leads to insecurity and weakness or causes a trigger ready and defensive state of constant alert. These can be viewed as two sides of the same coin, as they can turn into each other in a situation-dependent manner. However, both cases lead to emotional instability and isolation.

Abuse extracts such a high emotional toll that even ending the abusive relationship leaves the victim dependent and psychologically unstable. This is because the turmoil of each emotional conflict increases the interdependence of the abuser and the abused. Pulling out of an abuse cycle is psychologically difficult. Retaliation only fuels confrontation and rarely ends the abuse. However, following appropriate steps can empower you and prepare you for independence after the abuse. By experimentation, you must find a mentally relaxing practice that can help you enhance your emotional strength. You must recognize that abusive behavior occurs due to weakness. Abuse destroys trust, which must be restored. Forming an emotional closeness creates a higher perspective. Formulating patience, love, mental and emotional strength will build your belief and confidence for life beyond abuse.

Working through abuse is an emotionally difficult process that gradually will increase your confidence. The emotional load will be arduous, therefore reaching out to a higher power or outside support might be crucial. Keep your focus on your goal of independence as you gradually increase your inner strength. Setting a date, a deadline for yourself is wise. This gives a realistic target date for saving up money, finding support, housing, and means of living. This way, you will be well organized and mentally prepared for independence.

Abuse victims often suffer from insecurity and emotional problems long after the abuse itself has ended. This is especially prominent in early childhood abuse victims. Medical findings often support the susceptibility of abuse victims to certain diseases and even premature death. But there is hope to eliminate the mental, emotional, and health consequences. Following the above practice, even in retrospect, can help form love or understanding toward the abuser. This systematic mental cleansing gradually erases emotional dependence. The process provides confidence and dignity. Abuse is a curse that arches through generations and cultures. The liberation of an individual from exploitation ends the cycle for subsequent generations as well. Thus eliminating harassment of any kind should be an international priority. Please share this blog with others who might need it.




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