Monday, February 29, 2016

Negative emotions: an opportunity in disguise


 
Anxiety by Maxwell GS
      


A large part of human history has been steeped in blood, terror, suffering and intimidation. Fear is a useful emotion when escaping wild animals or surviving wars, but negative emotions create walls and separation in peaceful society. Thus some of our behavior can trigger the darkest emotions, aggravation and even hate in the people closest to us. Yet throughout history people had no time, no knowledge and no opportunity to comprehend, let alone change what they felt. This way terror had a long shadow, because people inherit and adapt the mental, emotional patterns of their predecessors. Faulty emotional regulation wreaks havoc on mental and physical health. Negative emotions eat away our happiness, and poison our relationship with people closest to us. This occurs because negative emotions correspond to chronic high brain frequencies, which produce an overwhelming information flow of distorted, fractured mental pictures; this in turn induces a perceived shortage of time (appropriately called stress). In addition, the self-centered, insecure view of negative emotions remains part of the mind for an extended amount of time. The resulting mental weakness, insecurity, and fear can either be a trigger for aggression, or cause paralyzing anxiety. Research shows that negative emotions predispose lower social status and lead to a perceived difficulty of life, both of which handicaps professional and personal success. Over the long term the insidious presence of negative emotions can give rise to mental problems and affect the hormonal system and immune function. Chronic inflammation has been associated with a host of health problems and even early death. Some of the diseases implicated are cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer disease, digestive, as well as skin problems, cardiovascular disease, bone loss and others.


Yet, negative emotions are a natural part of life! They keep us safe by warning us of danger, conflict and help us manage hazardous circumstances. They also have immense the potential to push us toward success as no positive encouragement can! Many high achievers come from difficult circumstances, they might overcome physical handicap. Acceptance is based on the varied reaction to negative experience, which is automatic and innate. When we are pushed, we push back, we inherently fight challenges, but when we are pushed hard, when faced with overwhelming difficulties, we surrender. This is the reason, we get boggled down by small problems, but overwhelming challenges push us forward. The power of acceptance transforms the energy of negative emotions, problems into inspiration, a force toward success! You can use prayer, mantra, exercise, memorization and even memorization of meaningful information. You have to go through a mental curve, which is difficult and chaotic, but if you are persistent, it will lead to liberation, mental expansion and joy. (Negative emotions form temporal or emotional gravity that inhibit, and slow progress.)


Our emotions determine our thoughts and our behavior. Inversely, changing our actions gradually reprograms our emotional life as well. Genuine and systematic life changes can rejuvenate our mental world. But even small positive steps can have profound influence on how we feel. Work on improving your acceptance quotient by regular mental housecleaning. Physical activity, mindfulness-based therapy, and emotion-focused therapy have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. Exercise releases feel good hormones, and improves mental and physical performance, being the only proven fountain of youth to date. Having meaningful goals reduces the importance of negative experiences. Historically some people, considered geniuses today, often had to overcome difficult circumstances in their lives. For example, Schrodinger calculated the hard mathematics of Einstein's field equations when fighting in the front lines of the First World War. Beethoven went deaf. Mozart had money and health trouble while writing his most beautiful pieces of music and Einstein had marital problems while working on his theory. Their practice of art, music or science might have been an escape of peaceful oasis, where they felt happy and emotionally balanced. But the mental state of geniuses is not reserved for Einstein and Mozart. It only requires humble work, with full attention toward a big goal.

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Monday, February 15, 2016

Survival and dignity in an abusive relationship


Amborella trichopoda by Scott Zona

Emotion is the energy imbalance of the brain. Energy (temporal) excess manifest as positive emotions, confidence, trust, whereas energy (temporal) shortness corresponds to negative emotions. Emotions are produced as our response to environmental stimuli, so they are intimately regulated and intertwined with our personal core environment. Supportive, loving environments generate trust, which allow us to feel safe and relaxed.

Abuse betrays trust by inflicting pain at a time of emotional closeness, creating an aberrant mixture of trust and pain. Therefore it twists and disfigures the emotional bond between people. Since abuse generally involves children and vulnerable adults, it creates an intertwined mutual emotional dependence, which can remain part of the mental make up over long term, possibly for a lifetime. Physical abuse, such as rape or physical violence requires immediate action. You will have to seek help as soon as possible. Organizations can be found through the internet and in most countries that provides emotional support, organizational and financial assistance. This blog deals with emotional abuse, which can be more sinister, because it is more difficult to pinpoint, but just as dangerous for emotional health.

Abuse is an emotional roller-coaster, which completely rules the life of the both abuser and the abused. The momentary changes of mental energy balance of the brain modulate our sense of time. Positive emotions involve the feeling of the excess of time, whereas negative emotions correspond to the sense of shortage of time. People who have a low tolerance of environmental changes, get stressed easily (due to their sense of time shortage), which can trigger abusive behavior. Stress  corresponds to a temporal contraction, which generates the feeling of pressure. Pressure causes an inherent need to push back the emotional boundaries, to create emotional distance, via confrontation, which unfortunately most often targets the closest people or things. Using their long term experience, they know the emotionally sensitive points that will trigger reaction in others (pain, disgust and even despise). By causing aggravation, pain, they try to trigger reaction or retaliation, which restores the temporal boundaries and keeps the temporal pressure constant. However, abusers will invariable overcome with remorse and seek ways to repair the damage in the relationship by being overly accommodating. Abusers also might try to pacify their victim or use excuses justify the abuse. This way abuse forms a cycle of abuse and reconciliation, which is mentally, emotionally exhausting. The painful betrayal of emotional closeness by abuse leads to insecurity and low self-esteem, which gradually weakens the victim.

Later stages of abuse actually looks benign from the outside, because the abuser does not have to apply full threat, just a word or hint is enough for full effect. During times of emotional distance negative emotions consume the mind, which trigger either retaliation or regret. Retaliation would push back the temporal boundaries, which was the goal of the abuse on the first place. This way abuse either leads to insecurity and weakness, or cause a trigger ready, defensive mental state of constant alert. These can be viewed as two sides of the same coin, as they can turn into each other, in a situation dependent manner. However, both cases lead to emotional instability, and isolation.

Abuse extract such high emotional toll, that even ending the abusive relationship leaves the victim in an emotional dependence and unstable state. This is because the turmoil of each emotional conflict increases the interdependence of the abuser and the abused. Pulling out of an abuse cycle is a delicate practice that requires humble, emotionally difficult steps that take as extended period of time. However, following these greatly empowering steps enhances emotional strength and they are the only prudent preparation for independence after the abuse. Retaliation is never appropriate, because it fuels confrontation. Instead, the negative experience must be processed through an appropriate ritual. By experimentation, you must find a mentally relaxing practice that can help you to recreate inner emotional space. You will have to go for a walk, do yoga, or meditation, which rebuilds your emotional strength, and renew your love toward (yes!) the abuser. Love is power. Therefore moving toward love is immensely empowering, so is the recognition that abusive behavior occurs due to weakness. Abuse destroys trust and creates an emotional distance, which needs to be restored. Emotional closeness frees your mind, so you can view the relationship from a higher perspective. This way every abusive encounter strengthens you and decreases the pressure that accumulated in the relationship. As you build your patience, love and equanimity, your mental energy, emotional strength will gradually increase and gives you the belief, confidence for life beyond abuse.

Working through abuse is an extremely difficult process that however gradually will increase your confidence. The emotional load will be arduous, therefore reaching out to a higher power, or outside support might be crucial. Keep your focus on your goal of independence as you gradually increase your inner strength. It is wise to set a date, a deadline for yourself. This gives a realistic target date for which to save up money, find support, housing and means of living. This way you will be well organized and mentally prepared for independence.

Abuse victims often suffer from insecurity and emotional problems long after the abuse itself has ended. This is especially prominent in victims abused in early childhood. Medical findings often support susceptibility of abuse victims to certain diseases and even early death. But there is hope to eliminate the mental, emotional and health consequences. It is possible to follow the above practice in retrospective and move emotionally closer to the abuser if not with love, but with understanding. This systematic mental cleansing gradually erases emotional dependence. The process gives confidence and dignity. Abuse is a curse that arches through generations and cultures. Personal liberation from abuse, which ends the cycle of abuse for subsequent generations, should be an international priority. Do you have a story of survival? Please share it and please share this blog with others.


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Monday, February 1, 2016

How to improve your relationship with anybody

Friends by Squelle

Relationships form an intricate emotional balance of interpersonal dependence and remain surprisingly stable over time (except for personal shocks, they evolve slowly). As discussed in an earlier blog, relationships have long term mental and health consequences, which makes their understanding paramount. The difficulty of relationships lies in their personal chemistry, which is difficult to change. We behave differently with different people and relationships retain their flavor; love (or hate) can remain fresh in the mind even after decades of separation. Impeccably tailored to every person, animal or thing we come across, an inherent, automatic, behavioral pattern is unfailingly utilized and updated to the situation. It is almost as if a common, shared 'relationship field' would direct the behavior of both persons. Field is a physical concept, which can only be indirectly measured, through field effects. 

Fields have energy, which gives them powerful role dictating emotions. For this reason, emotions govern our actions in the present. However, present actions form a field for the future, the foundation of any relationship. Being truthful yet kind is not always easy, but it is always possible. Respect generates respect, so you will go a long ways if you project a genuine openness, kindness wherever you go. There are problem personalities and problem situations, which centers on a problem called emotional gravity. An analogue to gravity, emotional gravity is a field which, as discussed in earlier posts, determines the strength of emotional connections to things and people over time. So people form their corresponding field, and the field directs the behavior of participants.

People with high emotional gravity are insecure, which is compensated by a greater emotional hold on relationships. Their lack of trust drives them toward a constant, albeit futile search for security. Due to mental rigidity they resist change. They deflect new ideas, leading to contradiction and criticism. Although criticism feels personal and degrading, it is important to recognize that the criticism, aggravation or even physical violence is not directed personally at you. It is the consequence of insecurity. During an encounter both participants follow a momentum governed by physical laws, which is difficult to deviate from. Nevertheless, understanding makes it possible to rise above the negative experience in a retrospective manner. Understanding also makes forgiveness possible. On the surface, forgiveness appears non-prudent, but it serves a dual purpose. First, it liberates your mind from the baggage of hurt of negative emotions and their long-term shadow: chronic enhanced brain frequencies, which are implicated in numerous diseases. Forgiveness allows you to maintain your emotional freedom of joy, trust, and love, which spares you from revenge and retaliation, thus keeping the relationship positive. In a wider sense, forgiveness heals the soul, enhances trust, confidence, emotional strength, and resilience. Even if the other person dies, or moves away, this social acuity will aid your relationship with others. Following this practice regularly, you will learn to react constructively to criticism at the moment of encounter. Then you will find that you are surrounded by love and support wherever you go. You can successfully navigate the temporal gravity landscape of society, because the temporal field you created will support and lift you. Your relationship will improve with everybody, guaranteed.

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